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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,556

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Shared recently on X:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Spotted on Facebook:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Just landed via Telegram:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Trending via Messenger:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Trending via Messenger:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your life's a work in progress but you're still waiting for the patch update 😂🚧 #RelationshipPatchNotes

avoid, avoidance, dating, growth, humor, life, masculine, masculine urge, personal, personal growth, relationship, relationships, together, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

0

2 months ago

check, driving, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, just, leg, life, pants, sure, touch, work
I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

0

2 months ago

church, confession, guilt, humor, i, irony, joke, name, relationship, want
Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

0

2 months ago

activity, Christmas, dog, dogs, fun, fun activity, gang, gift, giving, neighborhood, pets, sweater
Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, communication, humor, keeping, mouth, patience, restraint, self-control, shut, silence, sometimes
Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, blowing, call, humor, phone, severe, severe thunderstorm warning, thunderstorm, warning, woman, women
How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

0

2 months ago

baby, big, big baby, birth, birth rate, everyone, here, humor, irony, low, observation, population, rate

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

59 shares on Discord this month:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am half agony, half hope.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

85 shares on Slack this month:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

21 shares on Discord this month:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Breaking via TikTok:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Going bananas on Discord:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Live now on Messenger:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Going viral on Messenger:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨