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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Making waves on Messenger:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Spotted on Telegram:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Spreading quickly via X:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Trending via Telegram:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

2 months ago

0

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why send a text when you can send smoke signals and ensure everyone knows about your forgetfulness? 🎉🔥📵

act, birthday, communication, final, happy, humor, irony, love, relationship, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

0

2 months ago

challenge, challenges, computer, control, differently, doing, else, frustration, humor, life, someone, watch, watching
Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, calm, fellas, humor, joke, lady, mad, put, relationship, weight
I put the mess in domestic.

0

2 months ago

chaos, domestic, household, humor, i, mess, put, wit
One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

0

5 months ago

age, aging, curiosity, day, fun, humor, i, next, old, saying, tree, wonder, young, youth
Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

0

2 months ago

design, engineer, every, evil, eyes, humor, irony, just, led, red, red LED, robot, scenario, technology
Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

0

2 months ago

bias, big, cognitive, cognitive bias, deal, everywhere, guys, humor, humor about bias, i, joke, observation, psychology, recency, recency bias, seeing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

37 shares on X this month:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

82 shares on Threads this month:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

98 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Going bananas on Discord:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Going viral on X:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Trending via Slack:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Making waves on Messenger:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Trending via Slack:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Making waves on YouTube:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Broadcasted on X:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

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