Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.