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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Just landed via Telegram:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Trending via Threads:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Just shared via Threads:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Just shared via Threads:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about anxious thoughts and slow metabolism, humorous and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seriously, why does my metabolism take its sweet time while my anxiety is on a permanent caffeine rush? 😅⏱️ #Priorities"

anxiety, fast, fitness, health, humor, metabolism, speed, wish

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

28 shares on Instagram this month:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

67 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Just landed via Messenger:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Just shared via Discord:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Just landed via X:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Making waves on WeChat:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

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Activity Log ✨

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨