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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Going viral on Reddit:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Going viral on YouTube:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Reported on X:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Just landed via X:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Just shared via X:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Reported on WhatsApp:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Reported on Messenger:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Spotted on Pinterest:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Facing your credit card bill after a shopping spree is like staring fear in the face… but scarier! 😱💳💸 Who needs haunted houses when you can check your bank balance? 💀😂 #ScaryFinances"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Shared recently on Slack:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Reported on X:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Seen just now on X:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Making waves on TikTok:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

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