Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Making waves on Instagram:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Going viral on X:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Spotted on WeChat:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Spotted on Telegram:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my dog sees me in jeans instead of pajamas, he assumes I'm going to the Met Gala 🐶👖😆

appearance, behavior, clothes, dog, funny observation, home, homeless, humor, knows, leaving, nice, observation, only, pet, pet behavior, put

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

0

2 months ago

apology, commitment, forward, humor, i, relationship, sorry, vows, wedding, work, working
When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

0

2 months ago

bite, fitting, fitting in, humor, i, important, individuality, instinct, interaction, social, social interaction, someone, super, vibe
When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

0

4 months ago

collaborate, confusion, hammer, Hammer time, humor, i, know, listen, love, lyric, name, should, someone, song, song lyric, stop, time
Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

0

2 months ago

communication, frustration, humor, people, relationship, sex, withholding, working
I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

0

2 months ago

another, breaks, coffee, drink, humor, i, routine, take, time
Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

0

2 months ago

big, brussels, Brussels sprout, cabbage, comedy, food, humor, invention, joke, little, satire, sell, sprout, vegetable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Reddit this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

67 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

45 shares on Slack this month:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Making waves on Twitch:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Just landed via Threads:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Trending via YouTube:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Trending via Discord:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Breaking via Slack:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Seen just now on Slack:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Going viral on Discord:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨