Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1837 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,999

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

11,999

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Just shared via Twitch:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The void screams into me.

Just shared via Twitch:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

2 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Still waiting for that time therapy to kick in! ⏰🙄😂

anger, emotion, frustration, healing, mad, sarcasm, say, still, time

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Just landed via Twitch:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Seen just now on Instagram:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Trending via Threads:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Breaking via Messenger:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Making waves on Facebook:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Running from your problems is cardio.

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏

Activity Log ✨

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏