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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Just shared via Threads:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Just shared via TikTok:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Live now on TikTok:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Spotted on Reddit:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Trending via Threads:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Going bananas on YouTube:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Just shared via Telegram:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

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Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?
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Commentary:
Looks like aging gracefully runs in the family, or should I say, the litter 😸🎂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Slack this month:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

86 shares on Threads this month:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

22 shares on Twitch this month:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,289

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Going viral on Snapchat:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Making waves on X:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Live now on Discord:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

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