Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.