Commentary:
When you realize the Upside Down is just a bad hair day away from world domination! ππ¨βπ¦±π
Random Funny Quotes
Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and Iβm tired of all the gaslighting.
Commentary:
"Whoever came up with the name 'rice cakes' was definitely stretching the definition of 'cake' to its limits… π€ Maybe we should call them 'rice discs' or 'puffed rice snacks' to avoid any more confusion! Let's end the rice-cake gaslighting once and for all! ππ° #RenameRiceCakes"
The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.
Commentary:
"Who knew that the best icebreaker with a neighbor is not bringing over a casserole, but actually setting yourself ablaze? π₯π©βπ Don't worry, I've got marshmallows ready just in case! π #neighborlybanter"
I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.
Commentary:
"Oh, the joys of sharing our embarrassing tales from the pre-social media era! π²π
Who needs instant updates when you have timeless stories of bike crashes and knee injuries to share decades later? π°οΈπ€ #ThrowbackThursday #VintageMishaps"
My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.
Commentary:
When my body requires renovations, it involves more yoga and less duct tape πποΈπ οΈ
As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.
Commentary:
I know, right? My "Strangers Offering Free Drugs" punch card is still completely blank! π
π¬π«
How can I be expected to get out of bed when I donβt want to?
Commentary:
Me trying to get out of bed is like a sloth attempting a sprint ππββοΈπ€
No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.
Commentary:
Looks like the days of being a human dance floor are over! ππ«πΊ Don't miss those bullets whizzing by your toes one bit! ππ₯ #DancingWithoutFear
I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.
Commentary:
Oh, the shocking revelation! π€― Who would have thought that actually reading is the key to looking like a well-read individual? ππ Say it isn't so! Next thing you know, they'll be telling us the secret to looking fit is to exercise! π #MindBlown
Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.
Commentary:
"Praying for a more eco-friendly solution ππ Who knew farting could be so productive? π¨π #NaturalGas #ProblemSolved"