Commentary:
"Well, there goes my faith in your ability to comprehend sarcasm ๐คจ. Maybe next time I should include a 'sarcasm for dummies' guide along with my comments ๐๐."
Random Funny Quotes
“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.
Commentary:
Living my best life… one mediocre decision at a time! ๐๐โจ
Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.
Commentary:
When your dating profile goes from "single and ready to mingle" to "prepped and ready for the apocalypse" ๐๏ธ๐ก๐
If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.
Commentary:
"Surviving without starring in a murder documentary? That's an achievement to celebrate! ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ช๐ผ Just another reminder that your life is drama-free… well, at least of the crime scene kind! ๐
๐"
I donโt mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.
Commentary:
Well, it's all about the half-naked life, isn't it? ๐ฆ Who knew that the biggest obstacle to becoming a cartoon duck would be pants? ๐ฉณ Just imagine Donald Duck strutting around commando style – now that would be a quacktastic sight! ๐ This quote really quacks me up!
The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.
Commentary:
When I'm around, even ghosts are like, "Whoa, too dramatic for me!" ๐ปโจ
Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.
Commentary:
๐ค Howdy there partners! ๐ต Wrangle up some laughs with this wild west fashion insight: cowboy outfits should definitely be called ranch dressing! ๐ฎ๐ข Spice up your style with a side of humor and a dollop of creativity! Yeehaw! ๐คฃ๐ค
We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.
Commentary:
"Ah, the ambitious space program goals of politicians never fail to reach for the stars…or should I say, the moon? ๐๐ Just imagine the moon becoming the next hotspot for vacation destinations – don't forget to pack your space suit! ๐จโ๐ #MoonMania2020"
I feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept, but each time I sleep, I don’t sleep that sleep.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm chasing sleep levels like a gamer stuck on level 1! ๐ฎ๐ค๐ด
Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.
Commentary:
Too busy living that grasshopper life, practicing my foot-rubbing symphony ๐ฆ๐๏ธ๐