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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Making waves on Telegram:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Broadcasted on X:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Spotted on Twitch:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Trending via Instagram:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Spotted on Discord:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote celebrating winning a race to the red light; humorous and lighthearted.

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Commentary:
Well done, you've officially won the highly coveted Slowest Race trophy! 🏆🐢🚦

congratulations, getting, humor, light, red, red light, sarcasm, special, traffic

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Threads this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

84 shares on X this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Making waves on TikTok:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Just landed via Pinterest:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

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Activity Log ✨

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨