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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Live now on Instagram:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Trending via Telegram:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Trending via YouTube:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Just shared via YouTube:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Just landed via Reddit:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Trending via TikTok:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Going viral on X:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Spotted on Telegram:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Spotted on TikTok:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Reported on Slack:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Making waves on Telegram:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

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