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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Live now on Slack:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Just shared via TikTok:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Just shared via Reddit:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Live now on WeChat:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Going viral on Discord:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Funny do not disturb quotes

Funny do not disturb quotes are the perfect way to tell the world you need some chill time without sounding boring 😴🚫. Whether you’re napping, working, or just avoiding unwanted chatter, these witty lines add humor to your “do not disturb” vibes 😎✨. Get ready to upgrade your signs and messages with a splash of fun that says, “Come back later, I’m busy being awesome!” 😂🛌

New funny do not disturb quotes 👇

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

2 months ago

disturb, do not disturb, enter, even, great, hour, humor, i, interruption, me, mind, mind palace, oh, okay, palace, pardon, philosopher, precious, privacy, realize, sarcasm, seclusion, solitude, someone
My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

2 months ago

am, disturb, disturbed, do not disturb, enough, humor, humor quote, i, phone, self-deprecating, technology
I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

2 months ago

communication, disturb, do not disturb, humor, i, interaction, irony, key, phone, procrastination, social, social interaction
I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

2 months ago

distraction, disturb, do not disturb, focus, humor, i, life, peace, put, whole, wish

All funny do not disturb quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

25 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

65 shares on TikTok this month:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

13 shares on Discord this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

When I feel stupid, I like to remind myself that I got my bachelor’s degree without ChatGPT.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Making waves on Instagram:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Shared recently on X:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

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