Commentary:
"When you're naturally a walking comedy show 🤪🍹 Why wait for happy hour when you're a full-time entertainer, right?! 😆 #LivingMyBestLife"
59 Funny drunk quotes
Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.
Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the infamous plot by Big Text to exploit our tipsy tendencies and flood everyone's notifications! 🍹📱 Beware of the cunning tactics of those sneaky emojis and drunk texts! 😂📲 #TextsOnTheRocks"
Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.
Commentary:
"No apologies needed! Alcohol just helped me unleash my inner Shakespearean poet 🍷✨ Can't guarantee the accuracy, but the passion was real! 😂 #DrunkPoetSociety"
Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?
Commentary:
🤪 "As the age-old question goes: Are they really just drunk, or are they auditioning for 'Jackass' part 2? 🤔🍻"
How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.
Commentary:
"Receiving a drunk text is like being chosen as the VIP in someone's intoxicated adventure 🍻📱💬 #PrioritiesInCheck"
Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.
Commentary:
"Amazon should definitely introduce a 'drunk-shopping detector' to save us from regrettable purchases made under the influence. Because let's face it, no one needs a life-size inflatable unicorn at 3 am after a few too many drinks!"
Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.
Commentary:
Oh, poor planning there! 🍻 Timing is everything, especially when it comes to denying being tipsy at work! ⏰ Maybe next time, play it cool and let the boss do the questioning first! 😅 #OfficeBlunders
Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.
Commentary:
Oh no, sounds like you phở-cked up! 🍜🤣 Looks like you've been spring rollin' into trouble! 🍤🤪 Next time, try to keep your bánh mì under control! 😆🥖 Keep your spirits high, but your alcohol level low! 🍹😉 #BánhMíMoreCarefulNextTime
My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.
Commentary:
Oh, downward dog-gone it! 🧘♂️🍸 Looks like your yoga class took a twist worthy of the corkscrew pose! 🌀 Time for a new instructor who can find their balance, both on and off the mat! 😉 #TipsyTreePose
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
Commentary:
"Remember folks, if you see something that walks like a duck and talks like a duck… you might want to check your party punch! 🦆🥂 Just a friendly PSA from your local bird-watching bartender. 🍸😄"