Commentary:
"Snails sure have mastered the art of surprise entrances! 🐌 Who needs stealth when you've got snail speed on your side? 😂 Watch out for those sudden snail cameos, they're even faster than you think! 💨"
371 Funny ever quotes
You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.
Commentary:
"Crackling knees? More like disco knees! 💃✨ Who knew our joints had secret talents? Glow-in-the-dark knees could be the next big rave trend! 🌟💫 #PartyOnWithYourKnees"
Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.
Commentary:
"I mean, who needs a job when you can ride a pony on a funky space rainbow, am I right? 🦄🌈 Don't worry, unicorns and rainbows are way cooler than a boring old cover letter! 💌✨ #DreamJobGoals"
If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”
Commentary:
"If Nike ever adopts this new slogan, sales would skyrocket as people proudly flaunt their imaginary athletic achievements. 🏃♂️💨 Just remember, it only counts if you post about it on social media! #JustSayYouDidIt"
There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.
Commentary:
Guess my phone's on Do Not Disturb even in dreams! 📵😴😂
The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.
Commentary:
"Looks like disappointment can always count on you to show up right on schedule! ⏰😂 Maybe it's time to start making some positive appointments instead! 😉 #StayPositive"
It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.
Commentary:
"Listening to both sides of the debate is like getting a balanced diet – you need a mix of reality and ridiculousness to thrive in this crazy world! 🤪🌟 #BalanceIsKey"
If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.
Commentary:
"Who knew being a shark's meal could make you feel so unique? 🦈 Just remember, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade… or in this case, shark bait! 😅 Stay positive, right? Stay fin-tastic, my friend! 🌊"
You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?
Commentary:
"Forgot my boarding pass, but apparently, the kids have it covered with their thorough bag checks and interrogation skills! 🛃✈️ #ParentingAdventures"
Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.
Commentary:
"Who knew time travel could be so mundane? 🕰️🧳 I guess superhero capes are optional when adjusting the microwave clock on a lazy Sunday morning! ⏰😆 #LamestTimeTravelEver"