459 funny family quotes - Page 11 - Wordgag

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

May 20, 2026

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

May 20, 2026

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

May 20, 2026

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

May 20, 2026

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

May 20, 2026

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

May 20, 2026

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

May 20, 2026

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

May 20, 2026

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

May 20, 2026

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

May 20, 2026

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

May 20, 2026

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

May 20, 2026

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

May 20, 2026

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

May 20, 2026

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

May 20, 2026

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

May 20, 2026

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

May 20, 2026

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

May 20, 2026

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

May 20, 2026

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

May 20, 2026

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

May 20, 2026

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

May 20, 2026

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

May 20, 2026

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

May 20, 2026

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

May 20, 2026

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

May 20, 2026

My parents think they know me.

May 20, 2026

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

May 20, 2026

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

May 20, 2026

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

May 20, 2026

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

May 20, 2026

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

May 20, 2026

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

May 20, 2026

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

May 20, 2026

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

May 20, 2026

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

May 20, 2026

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

May 20, 2026

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

May 20, 2026