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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

784 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,946

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,946

16 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Just shared via WeChat:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

Making waves on YouTube:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Spotted on Discord:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Just landed via YouTube:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Home » Funny Handed Quotes

Funny handed quotes

New funny handed quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Commentary:
"Patience? I left that department faster than my WiFi during a storm! 😂🚶‍♂️💨"
6 months ago
Share →: I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Commentary:
🎄📝 When you hand in a blank exam, you're not just giving your teacher the gift of time – you're also giving them the gift of a good laugh! Who knew spreading holiday cheer could be so creative and daring? Just hoping your teacher won't celebrate by assigning a makeup test after Christmas break! 😉 #HolidaySpirit #CheekyStudent
6 months ago
Share →: Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the difference a helping hand can make in the world of coffee! ☕️🤝 Who needs a barista when you've got friends with caffeinated benefits, right? Just don't spill it on the way to me, we don't want any bean casualties! 😄"

For even more funny handed quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny handed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

784 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,946

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,946

16 minutes ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Just landed via Twitch:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Just shared via Twitch:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Trending via Discord:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Making waves on Pinterest:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

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