Commentary:
Into the witness protection program for words ✏️🔍😅
5604 Funny i quotes
There is someone sleeping under me on the other side of the earth. They are tossing and turning, and I find it very disruptive, like a pea under many mattresses.
Commentary:
Imagine trying to get some beauty sleep and feeling like you're a live-action version of The Princess and the Pea. Someone flip your mattress switch? 😴🏓🌏
Can I get a pleaseburger, cheese?
Commentary:
Sure, coming right up with a side of extra politeness fries! 🍔🧀😄
I am the Michael Jordan of laying down.
Commentary:
I'll bet your bed asks for your autograph every morning 🛌🏆😴
The only time I beg is to differ.
Commentary:
When my brain begs to differ, even my thoughts hold a protest sign 🧠🔄✨
I turn off the lights so there’s more power for the data centres.
Commentary:
That's my way of contributing to the virtual world—saving watts to power up the cat memes! 😂💡🐱
Asking my girlfriend if I can go outside to play in the yard.
Commentary:
When you have to ask for a yard pass, just to remind her you're not one of the kids! 😆🏡
Root beer tastes like the way Abraham Lincoln looks, and I can’t explain that.
Commentary:
Root beer: the only drink that lets you taste history while making you question reality 😂🤔🥤🎩
I’m trying to be less condescending. I bet you don’t even know what that means.
Commentary:
Who knew being less condescending could be such an uphill struggle? It's like trying to explain quantum physics to my coffee machine. 🤔☕️
I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.
Commentary:
Who needs social media when you can just post your thoughts directly into the universe? 📡🤔🌌