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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,807

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Spotted on Messenger:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Making waves on Facebook:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Trending via Threads:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Going bananas on WeChat:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Live now on YouTube:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Home » Funny Insurance Quotes » Page 2

16 Funny insurance quotes

More funny insurance quotes 👇

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

0

2 months ago

expense, haircut, humor, insurance, necessity, self-care, should
The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal care, care, courtesy, courtesy poodle, dachshund, great, hang, having, humor, insurance, pet, pet insurance, pets, poodle, thing, us, vet
New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

0

2 months ago

auto, Covid, humor, insurance, joke, new, pandemic, satire, sell, variant, warranty
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

0

2 months ago

activity, camping, company, coverage, fun, fun activity, i, insurance, stolen, tent
We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

0

3 months ago

adulting, chat, creative, employment, group, group chat, humor, insurance, know, needs, someone, underemployed
Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

0

3 months ago

15, 15 minutes, car, car insurance, conversation, discount, humor, insurance, joke, minutes, missionary, save, saving, us

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All funny insurance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Twitch this month:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

39 shares on Threads this month:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

48 shares on Threads this month:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Live now on Discord:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Spotted on Threads:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Trending via Instagram:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Going viral on X:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Making waves on WeChat:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

16 Funny insurance quotes

More funny insurance quotes 👇

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

All funny insurance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨