220 funny kids quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

May 21, 2026

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

May 21, 2026

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

May 21, 2026

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

May 21, 2026

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

May 21, 2026

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

May 21, 2026

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

May 21, 2026

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

May 21, 2026

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

May 21, 2026

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

May 21, 2026

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

May 21, 2026

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

May 21, 2026

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

May 20, 2026

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

May 20, 2026

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

May 20, 2026

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

May 20, 2026

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

May 20, 2026

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

May 20, 2026

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

May 20, 2026

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

May 20, 2026

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

May 20, 2026

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

May 20, 2026

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

May 20, 2026

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

May 20, 2026

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

May 20, 2026

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

May 20, 2026

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

May 20, 2026

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

May 20, 2026

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

May 20, 2026

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

May 20, 2026

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

May 19, 2026

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

May 19, 2026

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

May 19, 2026

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

May 19, 2026

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

May 19, 2026

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

May 19, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

May 19, 2026

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

May 19, 2026