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When did life become a choice between wedding bells and being the next James Bond? 🍾💍✈️😎
224 Funny kids quotes
What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?
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When life hands you sweaty kids, pour yourself a glass and call it ‘Parenting Pinot’ 🍷😅
Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.
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Trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe while spilling cereal everywhere, since forever 😄🍎🥣
Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.
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Unlocking new levels of vocabulary: the DIY furniture edition! 🛠️🤬🤯
Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.
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That's one way to keep it all in the family! 🤦♀️😂👶
My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.
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Time to open those piggy banks and prepare for the world of adulting! 🐷💵 #FinancialGuruInDiapers
The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.
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That neighbor girl deserves an award in motivational parenting! 🏆😂👍
Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?
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Sandwich the drama of spelling tests with a juice box ❌📝🥤
You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.
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Having kids is like adopting your very own chatty sidekick, but with less hoof and more "why" 🐴🎤👶
None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’
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When did I become Bruh instead of Dad? Guess I'm off to study Gen Z lingo now! 🤦♂️🤷♂️📚