220 funny kids quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

May 22, 2026

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

May 22, 2026

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

May 22, 2026

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

May 22, 2026

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

May 22, 2026

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

May 22, 2026

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

May 22, 2026

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

May 22, 2026

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

May 22, 2026

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

May 22, 2026

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

May 22, 2026

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

May 21, 2026

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

May 21, 2026

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

May 21, 2026

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

May 21, 2026

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

May 21, 2026

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

May 21, 2026

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

May 21, 2026

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

May 21, 2026

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

May 21, 2026

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

May 21, 2026

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

May 21, 2026

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

May 21, 2026

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

May 21, 2026

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

May 21, 2026

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

May 21, 2026

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

May 21, 2026

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

May 21, 2026

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

May 21, 2026

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

May 21, 2026

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

May 21, 2026

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

May 21, 2026

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

May 21, 2026

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

May 21, 2026

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

May 21, 2026

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

May 21, 2026

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

May 21, 2026

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

May 21, 2026

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

May 21, 2026

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

May 21, 2026