Commentary:
When you need to politely ask someone to get moving but also want to keep the "may your descendants forever feel my mild road rage" option open 😂🚗📢
64 Funny kind quotes
If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.
Commentary:
"Remember, they're probably just recovering from the shock of seeing their parents' TikTok dance moves! 😂🕺📱"
Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.
Commentary:
Government conspiracy: Mosquito bites are nature's secret pleasure button 🤣🦟🍯 #TheMoreYouKnow
It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.
Commentary:
Sure, happy birthday to you for not posting about it! 🎉🙈
Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.
Commentary:
Procrastination level: expert 🏆🤔 Every day’s a new high score! 😂🛋️
Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.
Commentary:
When your white tee gets its first stain, it qualifies for catastrophic insurance 😂👕💔
What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?
Commentary:
When you're the life of the party but just want to be the snack table's bodyguard instead! 🥳🕵️♂️🍕
The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.
Commentary:
I call it "meal planning"… in my head… 24/7. 🍕🤔😂
Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?
Commentary:
When the font is so fancy you're wondering if it's a starter, main course, or dessert! 🍽️🤔🖋️
A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.
Commentary:
Swipe, shop, and hope my bank account doesn't file for a restraining order! 💳🛍️🤣