142 Funny marriage quotes

Funny marriage quotes offer a humorous look at the ups and downs of married life! 💍😂 From witty remarks about the quirks of being married to playful observations on the challenges and joys of partnership, these quotes capture the lighter side of wedded bliss. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the fun in your marriage! 😄❤️

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t k…

Commentary:
"Ah, the treacherous waters of marriage, where love and war collide! ⚓💔 Who knew that 'happily ever after' could sometimes feel like a battle zone? ⚔️😅 Marriage: the ultimate test of teamwork and diplomacy! 💍🚢 #RelationshipStruggles"

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t…

Commentary:
"Apparently, the silent treatment has reached new levels 😂🤫 Who knew not interrupting could be taken so seriously! 🙊"

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed…

Commentary:
"Looks like people are finally realizing they can't dance their way out of doing the dishes! 💃🕺🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️ #MarriageStruggles"

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First thereR…

Commentary:
Marriage is like a late-night phone call: you hear the ring, and suddenly you're wide awake wondering what surprises await! 📞💍😂

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something.…

Commentary:
"If your wife uses 'I,' she's preparing for action – perhaps remodeling the living room or organizing the pantry. But if she sweetly utters 'we,' it's time to lace up those work boots, my friend, because that to-do list just got a whole lot longer!"

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare…

Commentary:
"Marriage – where 'bless you' turns into 'BOO!' for better or for worse! Remember, nothing says 'I love you' like a well-timed sneeze jump scare."

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to secure the bag, just make sure you don't get too wrinkled waiting for your inheritance!"

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of…

Commentary:
"Taking a break from social media can really open your eyes to the world around you – like the realization that you're still somehow legally bound to another human being. Who knew that scrolling through endless cat videos could distract you from checking in on your own love life?"

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we m…

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of marriage – where 'blissfully happy' meets 'pleasantly surprised'. Who knew that meeting your spouse could turn your world upside down after 25 years of harmony? It just goes to show that even the best relationships can use a little shake-up now and then!"

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Commentary:
"Who needs relationship advice when you've got Al Bundy as your mentor? 🤣👰‍♂️ Don't forget to rock those white socks with sandals while lounging on the couch! 🧦🛋️ #MarriageGoals"

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