112 Funny marriage quotes

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  6 days ago

  Share →: Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic love saga: from "you take my breath away" to "why are you breathing?" 🤦‍♂️❤️

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  6 days ago

  Share →: A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like she's mastered the art of stealth fitness! 🛌🏃‍♀️😂

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  7 days ago

  Share →: Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

  Commentary:
  Guess I’ll just flip a coin before tying the knot 🤔💍😂

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  7 days ago

  Share →: There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

  Commentary:
  "I guess opposites really do attract… and then spend every family gathering trying to sync their calendars! 😂🗓️❤️"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

  Commentary:
  🚀😂 "When 'You look great!' becomes the new 'We're late!', fashionably running behind has never felt more glamorous! ⏰👠"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

  Commentary:
  "Calamari tried and survived… marriage, here I come! 🦑💍🤣"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, let the warranty claims begin! 🤣🔧 #MotherInLawSupport"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

  Commentary:
  "Forget magic wands, this trick could really disappear some assets! 🪄💼💸🤣"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like I'm not just a wife, I'm also a handy 'get out of jail free' card! 🎟️😂 #MasterOfExcuses"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

  Commentary:
  "Ha! That's the sound of your lawnmower dreaming of freedom! 🚜😅 Better put it on pause, buddy!"

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