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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Dec 30, 2025

4,026

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Just shared via Facebook:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Just shared via WeChat:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Spotted on Telegram:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Going viral on Messenger:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Trending via LinkedIn:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

156 Funny marriage quotes

Funny marriage quotes offer a humorous look at the ups and downs of married life! 💍😂 From witty remarks about the quirks of being married to playful observations on the challenges and joys of partnership, these quotes capture the lighter side of wedded bliss. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the fun in your marriage! 😄❤️

New funny marriage quotes 👇

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

0

1 day ago

betrayal, getting, gray, humor, keys, marriage, pants, personal, powerful, prediction, psychic, relationship, tell, things, wife
Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

0

3 days ago

commitment, fear, humor, i, marriage, mean, own, relationship, room, scary
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

0

2 weeks ago

after, being, best, communication, debrief, event, having, marriage, married, person, relationship, social, social event, spouse
“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

0

2 weeks ago

bed, bed size, beds, couple, couples, divorce, divorce rate, interested, king, king bed, marriage, queen, queen bed, rate, relationship, size, sleep
Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

0

3 weeks ago

before, driving, green, green light, hours, humor, i, light, marriage, me, patience, relationship, sit, stoplight, tell, waiting
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

0

3 weeks ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

0

3 weeks ago

affair, cheating, forget, humor, marriage, married, person, ready, relationship, shit, young, young person
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

0

3 weeks ago

give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife
Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

0

4 weeks ago

every, hire, humor, insurance, knows, marriage, personality, relationship, someone, works
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

0

1 month ago

another, argument, called, fight, humor, husband, i, limited, limited sery, marriage, relationship, series, sery, storytelling, thing, turn

For even more funny marriage quotes, hit next 👇

All funny marriage quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Messenger this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

60 shares on Discord this month:

My dream car is a taco truck.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

81 shares on Twitch this month:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,941

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Breaking via Threads:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Just landed via Reddit:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Live now on Threads:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Shared recently on Messenger:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

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