Funny Marriage Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Through the Vows! 💍😂

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

3 months ago3 months ago

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

3 months ago3 months ago

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

4 months ago3 months ago

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

4 months ago3 months ago

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

4 months ago3 months ago

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

4 months ago3 months ago

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

5 months ago3 months ago

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

6 months ago3 months ago

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

6 months ago3 months ago

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Sep 28, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Sep 25, 2023May 6, 2024

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Sep 22, 20233 months ago

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Sep 22, 2023Nov 8, 2023

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Sep 22, 2023Oct 11, 2023

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Sep 22, 2023May 6, 2024

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023