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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Live now on WeChat:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Trending via Telegram:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Spotted on Telegram:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Going viral on Slack:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Reported on Twitch:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

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