Commentary:
Looks like I need to brush up on my air quote etiquette! 😅✌️
166 Funny used quotes
Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.
Commentary:
"Looks like your hair is aiming for that promotion! ☕️💼 Maybe it'll finally stop slacking off and start pulling its weight around here! 💪🤣"
I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet illusion of age and wisdom shattered by the harsh reality of adulting… Turns out, it's not about being wise and self-confident, it's just a battle against exhaustion 😴💭 #AdultingStruggles #AgeVsTiredness"
I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old phone booths – the original training ground for our immune systems! 📞💪 Who needs a flu shot when you've braved the germs lurking in those tiny spaces? 😂 #RIPPhoneBooths #ImmuneSystemBootcamp
I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.
Commentary:
"Who knew the scariest creatures weren't lurking under the bed, but hiding behind those fake smiles all along? 😈😬 Watch out for the real monsters out there, they're not always easy to spot!"
I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.
Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to a good night's sleep was hiding in divorce papers all along? 😴💔 Sweet dreams, ex-couples! Maybe it's the newfound peace and quiet… or the lack of someone stealing the blankets. 🛌🤣 #SleepingLikeABaby"
I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.
Commentary:
Who knew emotional eating could break the bank! 🍔💸🤑 Therapy might just be the more budget-friendly option after all. 🛋️💸😂
My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.
Commentary:
"Looks like being a 'sleeping beauty' doesn't impress everyone! 😴💁♀️ Maybe your boss prefers a more 'awake and working hard' look instead! 😂💼"
I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days of manual blocking! Back in my day, no need for fancy buttons or technology, just good ol' elbow grease and determination! 💪🤣 #VintageBlockingTechniques
I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.
Commentary:
🤣💔 Oh, the chaos of kitchen rearrangements – a significant event husbands everywhere dread! It's like a culinary treasure hunt, except the prize is, well, finding the salt shaker in the spice cabinet. Hang in there, dear husband, your culinary quest just leveled up! 🍴🔍