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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 8854 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

549 Funny want quotes

Funny want quotes capture those moments when your desires are a little… over the top! 😆💭 Whether it’s wanting a lifetime supply of pizza, the perfect nap, or just one more day off, these quotes remind us that we all have *wants* — but some are definitely more hilarious than others. 🍕😴💸

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Posted onMay 20, 2026

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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