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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Just landed via Threads:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Trending via TikTok:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Seen just now on X:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Just shared via Telegram:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Trending via Threads:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's stuck in a holiday rut, but hey, at least it's a delicious one! 🎄🍔 #ChristmasFeast"

Christmas, every, fat, gift, holiday, humor, i, joke, same, thing, tradition, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

0

1 month ago

director, favorite, God, horror, horror director
If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

0

2 months ago

attraction, attractive, eat, humor, i, joke, magnet, playful, question
Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

0

2 months ago

always, city, humor, irony, never, NYC, pee, smell, world
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

0

2 months ago

door, God, humor, irony, life, perspective, submarine, unfortunately, window
Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

company, every, finance, food, humor, invest, pasta, penne, pro, pro-tip, tip, worth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

32 shares on X this month:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Shared recently on X:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Just landed via TikTok:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Spotted on Threads:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Just landed via Reddit:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨