Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Going viral on YouTube:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Going viral on Reddit:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Going bananas on Discord:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Just landed via YouTube:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Trending via Snapchat:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Making waves on Threads:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Spotted on Messenger:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Seen just now on Threads:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

18 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about controlling the microwave, highlighting humor and independence.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Microwave rebellion: 1, Beep overlord: 0 😂🍿

always, appliance, beep, before, boss, defiance, humor, i, independence, kitchen, me, microwave, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Trending via Pinterest:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Trending via Telegram:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Seen just now on X:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Trending via Twitch:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Freshly posted on Slack:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨