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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Trending via Instagram:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Seen just now on Threads:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Just shared via Facebook:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Just shared via TikTok:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Just shared via TikTok:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Just landed via Twitch:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

Playful quote about controlling the microwave, highlighting humor and independence.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Microwave rebellion: 1, Beep overlord: 0 😂🍿

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

49 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

86 shares on Discord this month:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

45 shares on X this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,267

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Going viral on Discord:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Trending via Facebook:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Seen just now on X:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Spotted on YouTube:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

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