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"When you gotta pretend you're a 'normal' human for 60 days… 🤪🚀 #OscarWorthyPerformance"
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I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

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Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.
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Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.
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Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.
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