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Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

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As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

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You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

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Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

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The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

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I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

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A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

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My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

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Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

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We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

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Feb 3, 2026

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I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about resisting new relationships and hiding quirks for two months.

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Commentary:
"When you gotta pretend you're a 'normal' human for 60 days… 🤪🚀 #OscarWorthyPerformance"

act, crazy, dating, hate, i, month, months, new, relationship, relationships, start

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88 shares on Discord this month:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

43 shares on X this month:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

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Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

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I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

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Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

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Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

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Just landed via Reddit:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Seen just now on Twitch:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Seen just now on Telegram:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Spotted on Instagram:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Spotted on Telegram:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Trending via Twitch:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

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I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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