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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Going viral on Slack:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Trending via Twitch:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Seen just now on Discord:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Making waves on Twitch:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't a person parallel park without an audience? It’s like they're judging my reverse Oscars performance 😅🚗🎭

awkward, awkward moment, driving, hate, humor, i, interaction, moment, need, outside, parallel, parallel park, park, parking, people, privacy, social, social interaction, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, communication, humor, know, real, shut, shut up, silence, smartphone, technology
Twitter is an abusement park.

0

2 months ago

abusement, amusement, fun, humor, irony, media, park, social, social media, Twitter
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

0

2 months ago

acronym, after, asking, communication, favorite, humor, know, means, military, misunderstanding, right, someone, tradition
I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

0

5 months ago

age, getting, getting lost, humor, i, joke, lane, lost, memory, nostalgia, old, old age, take, walk, walking
Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

0

6 days ago

before, belief, believe, better, cristiano, Cristiano Ronaldo, debate, football, footballer, grown, grown man, humor, kid, kids, laugh, lionel, Lionel Messi, man, men, messi, remember, ronaldo, Santa, sports, sports debate
Salt is just angry sugar.

0

2 months ago

angry, comparison, food, humor, just, playful, playful comparison, salt, sarcasm, sugar, taste

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Instagram this month:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

22 shares on X this month:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

34 shares on X this month:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

53 shares on Slack this month:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

62 shares on Slack this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Just landed via Reddit:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Just landed via Threads:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Just shared via YouTube:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Going viral on Facebook:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Twitter is an abusement park.

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Salt is just angry sugar.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨