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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Trending via YouTube:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Just shared via YouTube:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Going viral on Threads:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Just shared via TikTok:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Just landed via Threads:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Just landed via YouTube:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Trending via Instagram:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Going viral on Slack:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looking for love in apocalyptic places! 😂🐎💘

apocalypse, dating, four, Four Horsemen, hope, horsemen, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, single

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

0

3 months ago

5th, 5th base, base, dating, describe, flirting, humor, i, kiss, me, only, romance, someone, tongue, tongue kiss
I told ChatGPT about us.

0

2 months ago

AI, ChatGPT, dating, humor, humor quote, i, relationship, technology, told, us
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

0

2 months ago

bed, eyes, humor, longing, miss, sad, sleep, tiredness, water, yawn
The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

0

3 weeks ago

actor, actors, home, humor, joke, movie
Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

0

2 months ago

bit, blowing, blowing up, humor, joke, just, nobody, self-destruction, should, technology, Tesla, wait
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

0

2 months ago

advice, conversation, expert, humor, i, myself, need, self-talk, talk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

60 shares on Discord this month:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

90 shares on X this month:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

14 shares on Discord this month:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Just shared via Telegram:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Making waves on Telegram:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Making waves on Slack:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Just shared via WeChat:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Trending via Slack:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

I told ChatGPT about us.

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨