Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,376

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Going viral on Slack:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Shared recently on Discord:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Making waves on Slack:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Trending via Twitch:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Going viral on Snapchat:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Going viral on X:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Just shared via Slack:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

0
I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Always fashionably late, except when runway chic is involved! ✈️🤣⌚️

, , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

40 shares on Threads this month:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Aura is the real business card.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Shared recently on X:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Breaking via WeChat:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Trending via YouTube:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Making waves on Instagram:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Seen just now on X:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Just landed via Reddit:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴