Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Spotted on Telegram:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Just landed via TikTok:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Spotted on X:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When leg day turns into a smooth operator session 😆🪒🥳

day, fitness, gym, humor, joke, leg, leg day, misunderstanding, self-care, shaving

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

0

2 months ago

adventure, another, future, humor, i, planet, ticket, travel, wish
I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

0

2 months ago

ask, confidence, ever, give, good, humor, i, jokes, me, needs, nobody, nude, nudes, photography, relationships, second, self-esteem
The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

0

1 month ago

answer, cabin, getaway, humor, nature, retreat, woods
I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

0

2 months ago

age, broke, discomfort, feel, getting, getting older, humor, neck, older, pillow, sleep, where, wrong
Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, joke, know, morning, sarcasm, telepathy, thinking, thoughts
Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

0

2 months ago

boss, day, day off, excuse, fun, i, outside, play, playing, sorry, today, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Instagram this month:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

97 shares on X this month:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

48 shares on Discord this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Just shared via Reddit:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Going bananas on WeChat:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Trending via Twitch:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Spotted on Discord:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨