Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Spotted on Slack:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Spotted on Discord:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃‍♂️🎨🤣

chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

2 months ago

always, crazy, knowledge, people, perception, read, research, sound
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

5 months ago

after, clothes, family, household, humor, i, just, laundry, lot, nerve, sarcasm
By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, change, communication, conversation, cue, discomfort, feel, going, humor, i, interview, job, job interview, moment, second, social, social cue, subject, subject change
Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

2 months ago

biopsy, cancer, election, elections, except, family, half, hopes, humor, irony, results, waiting
Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

2 months ago

apartment, hell, Shazam, upstairs, whatever
My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

2 months ago

drivers, drivers license, gasp, humor, i, identity, license, mother, new, picture, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

76 shares on X this month:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

62 shares on YouTube this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Just shared via X:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Spotted on Telegram:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Shared recently on TikTok:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Live now on Instagram:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Making waves on Threads:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Going viral on Threads:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨