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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Live now on Pinterest:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Shared recently on Discord:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Freshly posted on X:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Just shared via YouTube:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

8 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about stubbornness and sunk-cost fallacy, humorously highlighting persistence and denial.

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Commentary:
Still working on my PhD in stubbornness! 😂💼🎓

actually, fallacy, giving, giving up, humor, persistence, proof, prove, sense, spent, struggle, sunk-cost, sunk-cost fallacy

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77 shares on YouTube this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

10 shares on Slack this month:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Just shared via Telegram:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Trending via Slack:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Going viral on WeChat:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Shared recently on X:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Making waves on Messenger:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Spotted on Instagram:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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