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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Dear music, thanks!

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Live now on Telegram:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Just shared via Reddit:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Going viral on Messenger:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Spotted on YouTube:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Going viral on YouTube:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Just landed via Discord:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

2 months ago

0

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, if only we could make annoying people just vanish with the tap of a button! 🕳️💥 Adios, dickheads – off to the trap door you go! Just think of all the peace and quiet we would have… until the next one inevitably pops up! 🙄 #TrapDoorDreams

button, dickhead, door, easier, fall, floor, frustration, humor, life, much, push, thinking, trap, trap door, wishful, wishful thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

0

2 months ago

again, animal, animal defense, avoid, avoidance, behavior, dead, death, deaths, defense, dragonfly, fake, fake death, female, female behavior, girl, here, humor, mating, nature, own, play, ugh, unwanted
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, changing, day, du, food, french, humor, joke, jour, keep, language, restaurant, soup, soup du jour, translation
You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

0

2 months ago

fired, Fumble, humor, job, workplace
Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

0

2 months ago

accounts, changing, humor, irony, me, password, passwords, security, self sabotage
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

0

2 months ago

circumstance, circumstances, control, excuse, humor, i, irony, late, procrastination, well
I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

0

2 months ago

app, fragrance, humor, i, music, music app, perfume, scent, Shazam, technology, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,249

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Just landed via Facebook:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Just landed via Reddit:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Making waves on Discord:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Live now on Snapchat:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Trending via Facebook:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Seen just now on Twitch:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

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