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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Spotted on Reddit:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Seen just now on Slack:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Spotted on Facebook:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Spotted on Instagram:

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🏆🏡 Training for the gold medal in couch curling and fridge foraging! 🍔🍕🥇

homebody, maximizing, maximizing value, Olympic, Olympic sport, rent, sport, turning, value

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, collection, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery bag, humor, inside, keep, life, observation, organization
Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

0

3 days ago

assume, assumption, burden, communication, emotional, emotional expression, expression, humor, interaction, lol, loneliness, people, problem, problems, social, social interaction, unfortunately
Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

0

2 months ago

apology, broken, delays, hand, having, humor, machine, smashing, suitcase
Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

0

3 months ago

adult, adult industry, collar, corporate, corporate office, developer, humor, imagine, industry, job, office, office job, Pornhub, weird, weird job, whatever, white, white collar, working, workplace, workplace humor
The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, concern, distraction, humor, joke, lion, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, office, productivity, Teams, workplace
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

0

2 months ago

cause, cliff, comedy, drive, driving, grateful, gratitude, humor, i, irony, me, people, reckless, remember, safe, safety, sarcasm, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

49 shares on Reddit this month:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

68 shares on X this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Going viral on TikTok:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Just landed via WeChat:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Seen just now on X:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Just shared via Twitch:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨