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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Freshly posted on Threads:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Broadcasted on X:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Going viral on Facebook:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When he says he’ll give 110%, but he meant 110% of the bare minimum 🤦‍♂️🙈

effort, give, humor, i, love, men, minimalism, opportunity, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

4 months ago
dead, humor, joke, life, own, relationship, sex, sex life, tombstone
My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

1 month ago
animal, animal antics, antics, bill, dog, financial, financial woes, humor, pet, pet humor, responsibility, sigh, woes
If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

4 weeks ago
alphabet, every, humor, letter, music, pace, song, sprint, sweet, take, time, timing
I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

2 weeks ago
confusion, decision making, doubt, humor, i, indecisive, self-reflection, sure, think, used
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

1 month ago
before, bring, carefully, course, everyday, everyday life, family, forgetfulness, grocery, grocery list, humor, i, life, list, me, mother, procrastination, tradition
The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

1 month ago
children, fashion, humor, irony, jeans, parenting, relaxed, tag

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Shared recently on Discord:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Making waves on Messenger:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Spotted on Messenger:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

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Activity Log ✨

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

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Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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