Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Breaking via Facebook:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Making waves on X:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Broadcasted on X:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Foxes need coffee too! ☕🦊 Sounds like someone just got outfoxed by their own joke! 😂📞

asked, call, called, fox, humor, i, joke, me, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, saw, tell, wife, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, climbing, humor, important, mountain, mountain climbing, outdoor, outdoor activity, preparation, remember, reminder
Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

0

2 months ago

Cheeto, contrast, crumbs, humor, lady, lifestyle, sheets, snack, streets
The older I get, no.

0

5 months ago

aging, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, reluctance
Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

0

2 months ago

busy, daylight, humor, procrastination, saving, saving daylight, time, too
I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

0

2 months ago

direction, every, GPS, hour, humor, i, joke, life, navigation, recalculation, technology, told
When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

0

2 months ago

childhood, entertainment, humor, i, kid, Netflix, nostalgia, technology, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on WeChat this month:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

91 shares on Threads this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Not going is the new leaving early.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Making waves on X:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Shared recently on TikTok:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Shared recently on Reddit:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Trending via Threads:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Spotted on WeChat:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

The older I get, no.

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨