Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Broadcasted on Threads:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Live now on TikTok:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Breaking via Facebook:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Just shared via Threads:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Trending via Discord:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Foxes need coffee too! ☕🦊 Sounds like someone just got outfoxed by their own joke! 😂📞

asked, call, called, fox, humor, i, joke, me, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, saw, tell, wife, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

0

2 months ago

childhood, digital, digital toy, euthanasia, humor, pet, Tamagotchi, toy, virtual, virtual pet
The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

0

2 months ago

corporate, dressed, humor, i, insecurity, just, leadership, longer, management, micromanaging, office, realize, work
I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

0

2 months ago

2008, disappointment, employer, expectations, future, headshot, humor, i, job, job search, LinkedIn, search
Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

0

2 months ago

humor, intern, office, procrastination, productivity, put, task, today, tomorrow, why, work
I’m tired of things costing money.

0

2 months ago

cost, expense, financial, humor, money, sarcasm, things, tired
I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

0

2 months ago

conclusion, fashion, high, humor, love, men, stockings, thigh, thigh high

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Discord this month:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

88 shares on X this month:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

41 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

84 shares on Threads this month:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Trending via YouTube:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Going viral on X:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Going bananas on X:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Making waves on Slack:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

I’m tired of things costing money.

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨