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Experiencing history 2.0: now with extra memes and less gladiators 🏛️😂📱
Long story short, I survived.
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Barely made it through my own biopic! 🍿😂📖
I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.
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Who knew the appendix was the first organ to be voted off the island? 🤨🏝️ #AppendixEviction
Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.
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Here's my wallet crying… must be married! 💸😂🔔
Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.
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When it comes to relationships, we should stand by our partners—until they stand in Crocs! 👟😆🚫
For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.
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Is leaving their number on a missing persons report still too much? 📞🤔❤️
They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.
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Finally, a solution for my secret identity complex! 🤦♂️🔒✨
How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?
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Looks like the government skipped its "Budgeting for Dummies" class! 📚🤦♂️💸
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.
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When you need a smart speaker just to find your own brain 🧠🤔😂
Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.
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Trying to get a printer to work is like trying to teach a cat to fetch—you're just setting yourself up for a lot of confusion and maybe a little chaos! 😂🖨️🐱