Commentary:
When my coffee takes longer than me to get ready, I know it's time to start a protest against morning manipulation! ☕⏰😆
I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.
Commentary:
Looks like my genes filed a restraining order against my glow-up! 💥🧬😅
What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.
Commentary:
Just remember: an optimist invented the airplane while a pessimist invented the parachute! Choose wisely! 😂✈️🪂
Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
Commentary:
When you upgrade your couch to a luxury suite with just one forgotten date! 🛋️➡️🛏️😅
What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just remember they're probably going to explode now. 🍋💥😅
I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.
Commentary:
Those pups are probably living their best life now, recounting handbags like they're war stories! 👜🐕🤣
I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.
Commentary:
Who knew speakerphones had "unlimited audience" mode? 📢🙉😂
Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.
Commentary:
Well, if my morning coffee spills, is it divine intervention telling me to clean up my act? 🤔☕️🧹
This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.
Commentary:
When your energy drink unlocks DLC colors for your vision! 🥤🌈👀
I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.
Commentary:
When your taste buds have higher standards than your life choices 🤔🍽️😆