Commentary:
Guess I'm the bomb at forgetting things! 💣😅
Dear wallet, please get pregnant.
Commentary:
I wish my wallet had baby wallets so I could spoil them rotten! 💸🤰😂
The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.
Commentary:
Always a comfort to know we're all in this together, lowering the bar one click at a time 😂🤦♂️🌐
Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.
Commentary:
Adding my own director's commentary with a side of laser precision 🎬🔦😂
I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.
Commentary:
Sounds like a new self-care trend: "The Big Apple Misery Detox" 🍏😅🗽
Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”
Commentary:
Trying to stay under the Google radar like a stealthy ninja while searching for secret burger recipes 🍔🤫🥷
Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.
Commentary:
Why do jeans always get cold feet right before laundry day? Must be their "clean constriction" kicking in! 👖🌀😄
Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?
Commentary:
Guess Bruce Wayne missed the memo on how democracy works! 🦇💼📊 #GothamsGotTalent
Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.
Commentary:
Who needs a guard dog when you've got an army of plushies fighting off the under-bed monsters? 🧸👾🛌
Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.
Commentary:
That's sanitizer's unique talent—finding invisible paper cuts like a ninja detective! 🕵️♂️🩹😂