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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Going bananas on Threads:

I would prefer not to.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Trending via Threads:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Just landed via Slack:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Live now on Slack:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Broadcasted on Discord:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Humorous, witty text highlighting a surprising decline in cannon-related deaths over a century.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like cannons finally got the memo about 'peace and love' 🕊️💥. Who knew they could have a change of heart? Or maybe they just aim for targets that aren't moving 🤷‍♂️🎯. Either way, RIP to the good ol' days of being a cannon operator. Your job prospects have truly 'shot' down 🤣🔫."

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

78 shares on X this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

18 shares on Slack this month:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Spotted on Discord:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Spotted on Telegram:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Just landed via Facebook:

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Going viral on Discord:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

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