The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

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To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

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I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

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Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

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Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

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I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

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Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

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I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

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But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

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Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

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Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?