Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,909

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Breaking via YouTube:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Seen just now on Threads:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess that’s one way to create an *unplugged* performance! 🔌😄🎸

band, concert, giant, giant magnet, guitar, hands, humor, i, influence, magnet, music, shows, The Velvet Underground, underground, velvet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

0

5 months ago

contradiction, good, humor, i, me, preference, relationship, self-awareness, someone, want
What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

0

3 months ago

confusion, contradiction, everything, humor, intelligence, irony, smart, stupid
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, dark, dark humor, humor, identity, individuality, irony, killer, self-acceptance, serial, serial killer
Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, dumb, every, growth, humor, i, realization, realize, self-reflection, year
All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

0

2 weeks ago

before, breakup, country, country song, hear, humor, leaving, matter, only, self-driving, self-driving vehicle, song, time, truck, vehicle
I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

0

2 months ago

80s, ambition, Congress, hit, humor, i, politics, retirement, run, running, wait

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Trending via YouTube:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨