Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Just landed via Telegram:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Going bananas on Reddit:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Just shared via YouTube:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

They expect me to work at work.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Making waves on Slack:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Going viral on Threads:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, guess now it's a short story about a very long wallet! 😂💸📉

comedy, cut, financial, financial situation, humor, i, joke, money, short, situation, spent, story, storytelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

0

2 months ago

driving, humor, i, know, lines, lot, park, parking, parking lot, rules, shock
Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, blocking, enough, humor, i, joke, lice, relationship, revenge, someone, want
You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

0

5 months ago

conversation, got, humor, i, know, left, people, person, talking, tap, time, video, while, wish
Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

0

2 months ago

beat, health, humor, i, irony, joke, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, together
I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

0

2 months ago

again, doing, growth, hard, humor, i, introspection, myself, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-awareness, self-reflection, taken
Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

0

2 months ago

challenges, hard, humor, irony, life, stupid, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

10 shares on X this month:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

29 shares on Reddit this month:

For the record, I use a turntable.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

65 shares on Threads this month:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Your opinions are not my business.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Seen just now on X:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Just landed via Reddit:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Seen just now on X:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Spotted on X:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨