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I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

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Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

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Elect a clown, expect a circus.

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Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

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Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

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If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

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No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.