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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Making waves on X:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Freshly posted on X:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Breaking via Messenger:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Going viral on Reddit:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Just shared via WeChat:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm the last piece of "furniture" in need of a makeover! 🛋️😂🧹

clean, cleaning, humor, left, only, room, self-deprecation, trash, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

0

2 months ago

British, communication, culture, humor, i, language, misunderstanding, people, subtitles, wish
After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

0

2 months ago

after, away, cheese, confirm, enough, food, grandma, humor, i, italian, month, much, never, Parmesan, pasta, scare, too, travel
It was me, I let the dogs out.

0

2 months ago

antic, confession, dog, funny moment, humor, i, let, let out, me, moment, pet, pet antic, responsibility
I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

0

2 months ago

always, bad, deserve, good, humor, i, motivation, routine, self-care, self-indulgence, self-love, simply, treat, treats, week, weekly, weekly routine
The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

0

2 months ago

contact, daily, idiot, idiots, main, reason, stress
You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

0

2 months ago

add, cooking, cooking mishap, food, humor, kitchen, mishap, salt, tears

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

22 shares on Threads this month:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

77 shares on Slack this month:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

89 shares on Messenger this month:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Live now on Facebook:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Making waves on Telegram:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Making waves on Telegram:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Just shared via Discord:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Making waves on TikTok:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

It was me, I let the dogs out.

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨