You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

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People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

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I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

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I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

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You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

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Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

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Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

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Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

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People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?