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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has copied:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has copied:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like β€œhey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has viewed:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Making waves on Telegram:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Trending via X:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

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Commentary:
Finally found the secret to happiness: fewer texts and more snacks! πŸ˜‚πŸ•πŸ“΅

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on TikTok this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

30 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

69 shares on TikTok this month:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At therapy, saying β€œDon’t worry about it” to every question.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

17 shares on Threads this month:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope β€œby chocolate” is an option.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has shared:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has shared:

β€œStand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has shared:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on WeChat:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Spotted on YouTube:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Freshly posted on X:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Spotted on Instagram:

Peloton guy yelling β€œtwo more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Spotted on Discord:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Just shared via Instagram:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

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